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Berm's Eye View: A baseball outsider looks out

Berm's Eye View: A baseball outsider looks out

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A Short Essay On Pence

11 Friday Mar 2016

Posted by apeville in Baseball, Baseball and Byond

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Tags

Baseball, Berm, Giants, Hunter Pence, Scottsdale Stadium, Todd Steed

PENCE

PENCE

It was a very hot desert afternoon but I walked straight to Scottsdale Stadium from my rental room several blocks away in honor of Hunter Pence.  I didn’t have a scooter, but feet are the next best thing. I was also hoping by committing this act of unity he would be in the lineup.  He wasn’t.

See exhibit A:

lineup

Read it a couple of times, his name still won’t be there.

I grabbed my frosty beverage (lemonade) and quickly found my primo seat in 208. The view was perfect and it was in the shade. To my left was a fairly rabid fan who spent much of the game bidding online for signed Duffy items. I liked him. Everything he said was right.

To my left was a sweet couple from Georgia who had no dog in the fight but were very happy to be there.  The belle noted she was cheering for the ‘blue team’ because she liked that color very, very much. When her boyfriend suggested this was unwise she countered with: This is America.  Diversity and stuff.  

I don’t know what that meant but I grew to like them both quickly as well.  Just as I got my score card adjusted they announced the lineup….. including the name PENCE.

PENCE!?  It was even better that they lied on the lineup. I love a switch surprise.

Seeing him take the field is akin to coming back from Buck Toms Summer Camp and realizing your best pal you made HAD JUST MOVED TO YOUR TOWN AND WAS NOW ATTENDING YOUR JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL.

Pence comforts.  Pence inspires. Pence makes us relax knowing he’s there for us with all his goofy, talent soaked equilibrium.  And he was. And he is. And he will be.

At first I panicked a little when he bobbled a ball and whiffed out on his first at bat. Was he  just setting us up?

At his next at bat, with Posey on second, he approached the plate like a starving caveman at a kale buffet. He was ready.  He watched 3 sliders turn into balls and waited for his pitch. The count was 3-1 after letting the one good slider get by. And then it came.  Fastball. Even faster leaving his bat for the left field berm. Perhaps beyond it. Perhaps it never landed. I know I haven’t.

That, my friends, is why the Hunter Pence bobblehead is the only bobblehead I own.

 

 

Double Headed Monster

16 Monday Mar 2015

Posted by apeville in Baseball

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Tags

A-Rod, Atlanta Braves, Berm, bseball, joker Marchant, night game, Tanaka, tigers, Yankees

So….when a 76-year-old man suggested hitting two spring training games in two different cities on one day, you will feel like a wimp if you don’t do it.  And so we did.

The first stop:  Joker Marchant stadium in Lakeland.  Where?

Near Orlando.  Lots of stuff is near Orlando.  Even Orlando is near Orlando.

My buddy Camp zoomed us in via his I-phone app that outsmarted the traffic jam. Yes, sometimes technology makes life easier as opposed to just vaguely feeling like really weak heroin.

The first stop after a long drive in Florida traffic is….well you know what that is.  The second stop is the obligatory visit to the gift shop.  Matt, I hope you like your new fetching and festive Tigers pencil.

We found our primo seats (they are all primo at Joker Marchant) and were soon surrounded by some very happy Tiger fans.  Well, until their beer got low- which was about the same time as Nathan came in to pitch and gave up six runs. At that time, they turned in to world class hecklers. I felt sorry for Nathan but who wants to follow Verlander?  Nobody wants to follow Verlander except for his brother, the hitter who snagged two hits and an RBI.  The fans were happy again. They got happy fast.

I know I say this about baseball fans everywhere, but the Tiger fans truly are that perfect blend of gregarious and respectful.  Engaged and observant. Tipsy but not wasted. Enthusiastic but polite.  Unless you are Nathan blowing another inning. In which case, they turn into their team name.

It was a great game even though the Phillies pulled off the win. Who cares? We are at baseball in March. Everybody else is at work. To not enjoy yourself is a crime. Far be it from our trio to break the baseball law.

We grabbed our sunscreen and Tigers pencil and headed out back towards Tampa for a night game:  Braves vs. the Yankees. I see a future where global warming creates more night games in March. It’s the only plus I can think of for global warming. Camp scored outstanding tickets down the first base line, which put us in a great location to watch Tanaka pitch, A-Rod sign autographs, and to witness the battle of the creative cotton candy vendors. Would you have thought to use a train whistle to help sell cotton candy?

Waiting on the game to start and the sun to set.

Waiting on the game to start and the sun to set.

I picked up a program, the slickest and thickest of the Spring Training programs, chocked full of information about the PAST.  There were more pictures of the retired Jeter than of any current player.  In fact, it was basically a Jeter magazine with a scorecard in it. But the fans love Jeter, even if he isn’t there- as witnessed by the plethora of #2 jerseys.

I love the Yankees fans by and large, I really do. But they definitely can lay claim to having the most obnoxious team supporters. Say, the guy next to me. Let’s call him the Bombed Bronxer.

The Bombed Bronxer, like any wasted human, was keen on narrating each and every play with his own special, slurry style. The Braves were all ‘beeches’ and the Yanks were…all ‘beeches’ as well. He gave a running monologue, to no one in particular, about his girlfriend’s breasts, about how he shouldn’t have ‘taken so much’ of that stuff, about fairly accurate predictions of which of their body parts would hit us as they squeezed down the aisle, about how his girlfriend should go get him more beer because he was too drunk to get it himself, and so forth.  Note: he didn’t use lackluster terms like breasts and body parts.

This was a particularly exciting game because it marked the return of the injured and honorable Yankees ace, Tanaka. It also was a showcase for the reputation injured A-Rod who was MORE than eager to sign whatever needed signing. Camp waltzed down and snapped this:

IMG_7172

And yet, despite his good will tour down the first base line, he got booed at the plate, but not by the Bombed Bronxer. I think the Bronxer had a crush on him.

To sum up the game:  Tanaka pitched beautifully for two innings, taking the Braves down one by one. I am a Braves fan but I am also a fan of great pitching and this guy just really has it down. I would happily take a free ticket to see him pitch anytime, anywhere. It was a perfect cool night with lots of great plays, solid action, and good seats to watch it all from, with additional free add-on entertainment all around us.  Until he passed out.

Hey, Mickey?

15 Sunday Mar 2015

Posted by apeville in Baseball

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Tags

Atlanta Braves, Berm, bsaeball, goofy, Spring Training

The list of Grapefruit League stadiums left for me to visit has been shrinking fast.  All that’s left are those that are far away (Hellooooooo, Mets!) and those that don’t sound very appealing.  There is actually only one on that ugly list.  And here I am.  Champion Stadium is the name of this park and it’s located in scenic Disney World.  Yep, the Atlanta Braves chose this place. I’m sure somebody in a very nice suit had at least one compelling reason to have a baseball stadium in a non-baseball corporate theme park. I can’t imagine what it was but I bet it has something to do with money vs. soul.

At first, I thought my buddy Camp was joking when he said that the park was IN Disney World.  He was not joking because I am here looking at Goofy, the Braves mascot.  I cannot abide this.  There are many things I cannot abide around here.  How about a list?

1.  Goofy as mascot.

2.  A fairly thin program that costs more than the thick Yankees program.

3.  There are no Braves fans here. Anyone else find that odd?

4.  There are not so many baseball fans here.  Many are too young to know what they are. They are still high on Mickey.  The fact the family is here at all must be a concession to dad, at best.

5.  Even though the parking is free, it’s in the next county. You are robbed of great amounts of anticipatory joy just by schlepping from your car to the stadium.

6.  The court of flags in the left field berm boasts the colorful flags of great teams like Alamo, HP, Chaquita and Jif Peanut Butter. I wish this were a joke. I guess it is, but the joke is on the fans. Unless you are that special type of fan that really like cheering for rental car companies. REMEMBER THE ALAMO WHEN YOU NEED A CAR!

7. Disney imagery and iconography is forced on top of sacred baseball imagery and iconography.

And yet, even though I am typing while the Blue Jays are batting, I have been having a good time…almost. The staff are the absolute friendliest of all the parks. The water is only double the normal price (instead of the stand up triple they usually hit you with) and the kind and alert senior citizen employees encourage you to fill up your empty bottle at the water fountain. One attendant let me know my sunscreen was not completely rubbed into my nose.  Everybody there wants you to enjoy yourself, even if you are holding grudges against Goofy.

And yes, I still hold such a grudge.

But here is where they won me over. Before the game, the Atlanta Saxophone Group came out and played actual music. Wonderful, human, non-computerized, music. They played it well and it replaced much recently lost joy in a mere flash.  I don’t know whose idea this was, but this was a wonderful pre-game experience devoid of the corporate overload from every direction. In fact, it served as a powerful antidote. I should book them a gig at the airport hotel.

Again, I don’t know who thought of adding a sax quartet for entertainment-  but I’m damned sure it wasn’t the robot that suggested making the stadium in the middle of a theme park and then throw in, for good measure, Goofy as the mascot.

Play ball.  Next time, though, somewhere else, please.

IMG_7408

IMAGINARY FAQ

19 Sunday Oct 2014

Posted by apeville in Baseball

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Baseball, Berm, FAQ, Todd Steed

Whilst I try not to think about the coming up World Series I will graciously answer a number of your burning questions.

NOTE: Some of them actually have been asked while others I am fairly sure somebody will ask me eventually.

Q: You are from Knoxville.  How did it come to pass that the Giants are your team?  Shouldn’t the Braves or the Reds be your favorite team?

A:  First off, the imaginary rules CLEARLY state that if you have no MLB team in your hometown then you can choose ANY team, past or present.  Furthermore, imaginary clause 8b indicates that a fan is not bound to like the team in closest proximity.

Q: Isn’t that not answering the question?

A: I am the last of five kids in my family.  By the time I was born, my two older brothers had already picked over the proximity teams. Plus, being the classic youngest child I wanted to defiantly proclaim my difference by choosing the most exotic team I could find- other than the Expos, who weren’t even real yet. All that and … Willie Mays.  Once I saw him play on TV, it was all over. Scoring his baseball card right off the bat (accidental baseball metaphor!) further sealed the deal.The fact I did not go to San Francisco until 2013 is irrelevant.

Need other reasons? Orange is also the color of the UT Vols.

Q: But don’t you love the Braves? The Reds?

A: I do love the Braves, they were my dad’s and oldest brother’s favorite team.  I will always support them on their behalf- unless they are playing the Giants in which case I will have an existential crisis.

We weren’t very good at geography in my family, so ‘no’ on the Reds love. I had no idea they were so close.  I thought they were in Ohio. But hey, I love baseball.  So if the Reds are playing someone like the Rangers, I’ll root for the Reds.  I also dig the Tennessee Smokies, the Oakland A’s (the hippie marketing worked on me in the 70’s) and any UT team that has balls.

Q: Why is your baseball obsession so pronounced all of a sudden?

A:  It’s returning to form, now with newly acquired reading and listening skills.  I was way into baseball as a kid- from playing to watching to listening to collecting.  When I got what turned out to be a very jealous guitar at the age of 15, I was forced to dump sports for a while.  Baseball definitely played second fiddle (an accidental music metaphor!) for decades.  I still enjoyed going to various sporting matches and watching the better parts of the post season. I LOVED going to watch the Knoxville AA team until it left for the next county over.  But that devotion to any particular team was not there. The steroid era further allowed me to push MLB away while I focused on home, music and career.

But everything changes, for better and for worse, and occasionally for the heartbreakingly disastrous.

I lost my mom in 2008 and that very same day my dad lost his wife of 60 years. Though very little helps in that situation,  he took comfort in watching baseball. I took  comfort in watching it with him.

I was a bit bored, but at that point if he would have asked me to sleep on the roof every night in a gingham dress, I would have done it. I had lost a lot of my knowledge of the game and certainly didn’t know many of the players. But I watched.  We often sat there, in silence, watching Chipper Jones knock the crap out of the baseball.

Night after night, would would watch the little screen, talking here and there and not talking here and there. I slowly…. started…..getting….interested. When the Braves played the Giants, my ten year old self elbowed my current self. “Remember how fun this was?”  My dad, who pitched semi-pro in his youth, pointed out that Tim Lincecum was a fabulous pitcher and I should pay attention to his throwing.  He explained things to me in a way that was not a sales job about baseball, but an explanation of skill and beauty. And sometimes he would just say: I really like this guy.

A few months of this and I was almost hooked.  And then, like a pop fly ball out of the blue, he got cancer.  Fortunately, the kind of cancer he got was not the sort that kills the love of baseball. So we watched some more.  And some more.  One night I noticed that I could, finally, almost talk intelligently about it.

We didn’t talk about predictable, boring cancer. We talked about curve balls.  Double plays.  Great announcers.  Lousy announcers.

And then like the last unwatchable strike in the last inning of an extra innings game you thought would go on forever, he was gone.  And there I was staring at an unplugged TV.  Not wanting to do much of anything, especially watch baseball.  The new, empty arrangement didn’t suit me much. The 2009 season was about over, anyway. I took up sitting around the house. On alternate days I took up staring.

Fast forward to 2010. I still missed him. More than I thought possible.

Somewhere in the cloudy mist of all that loss, I finally began to feel the feeling of missing baseball. Towards the end of the 2010 season I started paying attention to the Giants…maybe this could be a good year for them, and, maybe, if luck would have it, a better one for me.

This isn’t a FAQ anymore, is it?

Free Baseball!

05 Sunday Oct 2014

Posted by apeville in Baseball

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Tags

Baseball, Berm, Giants, nationals, salsa

If extra innings are free baseball, then last night we got an entirely free extra game when the Giants defeated the Nats after 18 innings of low-scoring play.

Historic? Exhausting? Thrilling? Boring? Annoying? Intriguing? Frustrating? Tiring? Inspiring? Suspenseful? Confusing?

Yes- and every other emotion a human can experience in six hours and 18 minutes, especially given you can run through all the emotions four times each in that amount of time.

It can argued that spending six hours in front of a TV on a beautiful fall night is a waste of time.  Consequently, one can also see it as an opportunity bonanza given how much time can stack up between innings in a double marathon situation.

SO- here are the things I was able to accomplish between each inning.

Between first and second, washed dishes

2/3   Dried dishes

3/4   Walked dog

4/5   Planted jalapeño peppers in my indoor garden

5/6   Thought about helping the less fortunate

6/7   Put up dried dishes

7/8   Did several loads of laundry.  Bought car insurance in less than 30 minutes.

8/9   Prayed to Baseball Gods, tried to talk guests into not leaving because something was about to happen

9/10  Built Pablo Sandoval statue out of childhood play-doh stash, worried he was going to chew his fingers off if the game went much longer

10/11 Put statue in place of old Barry Bonds statue

11/12  Looked up stats on longest games in MLB playoff history and thought: oh, that’s interesting

13/14  Watered jalapeños in the indoor garden, adjusted sun lamp

14/15  Put together fancy snack assortment tray and shared with imaginary guests since real guests left an hour ago

15/16  Bought 2015 calendar online just in case the game lasts for rest of year

16/17  Relived first 15 innings, counted on fingers the number of Nationals ejected from game.  Imaginarily erased Bryce Harper face paint.

17/18  Harvested my jalapeños and made salsa, added to fancy snack tray assortment

When my wife awoke, she was thrilled by the four loads of laundry completed, the clean kitchen, the zingy salsa, and the exhausted dogs in her house. The snack tray assortment, she commented, seemed to be trying to hard. She inches, slowly, every so slowly, to loving baseball for all the wrong reasons-

IMG_6001 but who’s counting?

Image

Spring Training, whistle stop 1. Braves vs. the Yanks.

17 Monday Mar 2014

Tags

Atlanta Braves, Baseball, Berm, breakfast, Grapefruit, League, New York Yankees, Tampa

Spring Training, whistle stop 1.

Posted by apeville | Filed under Uncategorized

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