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Berm's Eye View: A baseball outsider looks out

Berm's Eye View: A baseball outsider looks out

Tag Archives: Baseball

IMAGINARY FAQ

19 Sunday Oct 2014

Posted by apeville in Baseball

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Baseball, Berm, FAQ, Todd Steed

Whilst I try not to think about the coming up World Series I will graciously answer a number of your burning questions.

NOTE: Some of them actually have been asked while others I am fairly sure somebody will ask me eventually.

Q: You are from Knoxville.  How did it come to pass that the Giants are your team?  Shouldn’t the Braves or the Reds be your favorite team?

A:  First off, the imaginary rules CLEARLY state that if you have no MLB team in your hometown then you can choose ANY team, past or present.  Furthermore, imaginary clause 8b indicates that a fan is not bound to like the team in closest proximity.

Q: Isn’t that not answering the question?

A: I am the last of five kids in my family.  By the time I was born, my two older brothers had already picked over the proximity teams. Plus, being the classic youngest child I wanted to defiantly proclaim my difference by choosing the most exotic team I could find- other than the Expos, who weren’t even real yet. All that and … Willie Mays.  Once I saw him play on TV, it was all over. Scoring his baseball card right off the bat (accidental baseball metaphor!) further sealed the deal.The fact I did not go to San Francisco until 2013 is irrelevant.

Need other reasons? Orange is also the color of the UT Vols.

Q: But don’t you love the Braves? The Reds?

A: I do love the Braves, they were my dad’s and oldest brother’s favorite team.  I will always support them on their behalf- unless they are playing the Giants in which case I will have an existential crisis.

We weren’t very good at geography in my family, so ‘no’ on the Reds love. I had no idea they were so close.  I thought they were in Ohio. But hey, I love baseball.  So if the Reds are playing someone like the Rangers, I’ll root for the Reds.  I also dig the Tennessee Smokies, the Oakland A’s (the hippie marketing worked on me in the 70’s) and any UT team that has balls.

Q: Why is your baseball obsession so pronounced all of a sudden?

A:  It’s returning to form, now with newly acquired reading and listening skills.  I was way into baseball as a kid- from playing to watching to listening to collecting.  When I got what turned out to be a very jealous guitar at the age of 15, I was forced to dump sports for a while.  Baseball definitely played second fiddle (an accidental music metaphor!) for decades.  I still enjoyed going to various sporting matches and watching the better parts of the post season. I LOVED going to watch the Knoxville AA team until it left for the next county over.  But that devotion to any particular team was not there. The steroid era further allowed me to push MLB away while I focused on home, music and career.

But everything changes, for better and for worse, and occasionally for the heartbreakingly disastrous.

I lost my mom in 2008 and that very same day my dad lost his wife of 60 years. Though very little helps in that situation,  he took comfort in watching baseball. I took  comfort in watching it with him.

I was a bit bored, but at that point if he would have asked me to sleep on the roof every night in a gingham dress, I would have done it. I had lost a lot of my knowledge of the game and certainly didn’t know many of the players. But I watched.  We often sat there, in silence, watching Chipper Jones knock the crap out of the baseball.

Night after night, would would watch the little screen, talking here and there and not talking here and there. I slowly…. started…..getting….interested. When the Braves played the Giants, my ten year old self elbowed my current self. “Remember how fun this was?”  My dad, who pitched semi-pro in his youth, pointed out that Tim Lincecum was a fabulous pitcher and I should pay attention to his throwing.  He explained things to me in a way that was not a sales job about baseball, but an explanation of skill and beauty. And sometimes he would just say: I really like this guy.

A few months of this and I was almost hooked.  And then, like a pop fly ball out of the blue, he got cancer.  Fortunately, the kind of cancer he got was not the sort that kills the love of baseball. So we watched some more.  And some more.  One night I noticed that I could, finally, almost talk intelligently about it.

We didn’t talk about predictable, boring cancer. We talked about curve balls.  Double plays.  Great announcers.  Lousy announcers.

And then like the last unwatchable strike in the last inning of an extra innings game you thought would go on forever, he was gone.  And there I was staring at an unplugged TV.  Not wanting to do much of anything, especially watch baseball.  The new, empty arrangement didn’t suit me much. The 2009 season was about over, anyway. I took up sitting around the house. On alternate days I took up staring.

Fast forward to 2010. I still missed him. More than I thought possible.

Somewhere in the cloudy mist of all that loss, I finally began to feel the feeling of missing baseball. Towards the end of the 2010 season I started paying attention to the Giants…maybe this could be a good year for them, and, maybe, if luck would have it, a better one for me.

This isn’t a FAQ anymore, is it?

Free Baseball!

05 Sunday Oct 2014

Posted by apeville in Baseball

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Tags

Baseball, Berm, Giants, nationals, salsa

If extra innings are free baseball, then last night we got an entirely free extra game when the Giants defeated the Nats after 18 innings of low-scoring play.

Historic? Exhausting? Thrilling? Boring? Annoying? Intriguing? Frustrating? Tiring? Inspiring? Suspenseful? Confusing?

Yes- and every other emotion a human can experience in six hours and 18 minutes, especially given you can run through all the emotions four times each in that amount of time.

It can argued that spending six hours in front of a TV on a beautiful fall night is a waste of time.  Consequently, one can also see it as an opportunity bonanza given how much time can stack up between innings in a double marathon situation.

SO- here are the things I was able to accomplish between each inning.

Between first and second, washed dishes

2/3   Dried dishes

3/4   Walked dog

4/5   Planted jalapeño peppers in my indoor garden

5/6   Thought about helping the less fortunate

6/7   Put up dried dishes

7/8   Did several loads of laundry.  Bought car insurance in less than 30 minutes.

8/9   Prayed to Baseball Gods, tried to talk guests into not leaving because something was about to happen

9/10  Built Pablo Sandoval statue out of childhood play-doh stash, worried he was going to chew his fingers off if the game went much longer

10/11 Put statue in place of old Barry Bonds statue

11/12  Looked up stats on longest games in MLB playoff history and thought: oh, that’s interesting

13/14  Watered jalapeños in the indoor garden, adjusted sun lamp

14/15  Put together fancy snack assortment tray and shared with imaginary guests since real guests left an hour ago

15/16  Bought 2015 calendar online just in case the game lasts for rest of year

16/17  Relived first 15 innings, counted on fingers the number of Nationals ejected from game.  Imaginarily erased Bryce Harper face paint.

17/18  Harvested my jalapeños and made salsa, added to fancy snack tray assortment

When my wife awoke, she was thrilled by the four loads of laundry completed, the clean kitchen, the zingy salsa, and the exhausted dogs in her house. The snack tray assortment, she commented, seemed to be trying to hard. She inches, slowly, every so slowly, to loving baseball for all the wrong reasons-

IMG_6001 but who’s counting?

The Baseball Gods Are Real

28 Sunday Sep 2014

Posted by apeville in Baseball

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Baseball, Baseball Gods, Giants, pirates, pittsburgh, wildcard

Today, on the Book Face, Chapter 1, Day 09/28/14, it was written, by scribe Amy Williams, that the Baseball Gods Are Real. I know some of you non-believers out there have reasons to be skeptical despite Jeter’s walk-off win on his last game in pinstripes. Despite the retiring Paulie Konerko being given his 2005 World Series grand slam ball by the fan that caught it- and that fan went on to catch Konerko’s foul ball in the very same game that night.

You want a classic miracle? What about Babe Ruth promising a sick boy a home run and delivering? And there are million more. Just google BASEBALL GODS GRANT WISH. So now, with devout humility, I offer this humble prayer to the Gods of Baseball, wherever their condo is. And you KNOW they have a kickass condo.

****  

Ye Gods of Baseball, first off, forgive me for striking out in my last at-bat in Little League and disappointing my teammates and imaginary fans. Sure feels good to finally get that one off my chest.  I come to you now for a favor. As you know, I usually ask nothing, but blindly accept the cruel and beautiful fates you offer on a daily basis 162 days per year.

 But I must confess that I every-so-sincerely do want to go to Pittsburg with the divine frequent flyer miles I have accrued from much necessary travel and from unnecessary Amazon.com purchases. However, to see my beloved Giants play in Pittsburg on Wednesday around 7:10, I sure could use the following before the hotel prices go up: I need the Pirates to lose today. I don’t want them to feel too much pain- so don’t make it gory, just a simple one-run loss will do. I’m not greedy- thanks to you, oh mighty Baseball Gods for you have made it so the Pirates have to use their best starting pitcher TODAY- I thank you for that. For now, he won’t be able to pitch on Wednesday, the Wild Card game in question. Don’t think I don’t see what you did there.

That actually will do it. If that is SIMPLY TOO MUCH, just let the Cards beats the D-backs. Again, one or two runs is plenty. No grand slam heroics.  Save that for Wednesday. Say, for Madbum. It’s been weeks since he’s hit one. Because, as you know dear and very real Baseball Gods, If the Cards win, yes, I will get to see my first post-season Giants game AND also finally get to visit the Andy Warhol museum.  If you can grant this wish, I can push the button that says: USE FREQUENT FLYER MILES FOR TYS>NEWARK>PITT.  

Sure, I could have gone through Chicago saving me two hours, but the NON-BASEBALL Gods have made a big mess up there at O’Hare. OK, that’s it for now. Since I have your attention, I would ask you to lower beer prices at PNC park by one or two dollars, but that’s piling on, I reckon.

 A 10-dollar beer, after all, is a glorious, mysterious, scared thing.  

A Good Night for Baseball is Most Nights

04 Sunday May 2014

Posted by apeville in Baseball

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Tags

Baseball, Braves, Giants, hecklers, Uggla

Pence prepares to be heckled but a drunk kid with a sunburn.

Pence prepares to be heckled by a drunk kid with a sunburn.

Sometimes you just have to.  You just have to drive 4 hours and go see a couple of games starring your supremo teamo, in my case the San Francisco Giants. The natural choice is Turner Field as a weekend trip to Atlanta is about $2,000 cheaper than a weekend jaunt the bay.  Turner Field is a great place to see a game.  Lots of room, it’s rarely cold in the early part of the season, and they don’t even sell it out when they are in a pennant race.  As opposed, to say the Giants, who have sold out every home game since three years before the franchise was created.

I shelled out for a good ticket for the first game of two I will be seeing.  Getting a single ticket can get you pretty close pretty late in the day.  But, as it turns out, you have zero input on who sits
next to you.  It’s a lottery and it doesn’t benefit higher education.

I shuffled down to my seat and waited to see who would show up.  Before the game started they brought out about 20 former players from the Negro League for us to honor.  Oh, that’s cool, one might think. All of us Ken Burns Doc watchers know the story and therefore it’s really fascinating to see some of the teams and players of yore.  And then it hits you.  CRAP, that was NOT that long ago the game we all love and treasure was freaking segregated.  These guys are still out there and they don’t look *that* old.

The got a standing ovation from my section, so we were off to a good start.

Once the game began, it started.  The non-stop, somewhat crude heckling of the Giants by the Braves fans. One guy in particular, let’s call him ‘red head sunburned college kid’- led the charge:

“PENCE, YOU SUCK!”

“PAGAN, SIT DOWN.”

“PABLO, THAT’S A DOUBLE A SWING YOU GOT THERE.”

Ok, that last one was funny and perhaps accurate.

It got louder.  The kids down the row from him joined in.  They were all stone drunk by the third inning, except for the kids, whom I suspect may have been at least trying to figure out a way to get there.

Sometimes this type of thing just crushes my zen.  Why can’t they just let the game be about…oh…not themselves for a few minutes? Seconds? Please?

I was waiting for that magic moment when the drunks have too much to even heckle, and the kids get hoarse and bored.  It came about the 7th inning.  A few homers from the Giants also helped settle the mood.  All the while, I was getting along fabulously with my row-mates, who were funny and much more selective hecklers.  They made each pitch count.

It felt like perfection.  The balance had arrived and the Giants had never been behind so I didn’t have that stress in the mix.  Just watch ’em win and high five the other Giants fans (who treat each other like their favorite lost cousins) on the way to the beer stand.

The Braves didn’t rally.  They sure tried.  But LOUD RED HEAD SUNBURNED COLLEGE DUDE behind me did. He rallied in the bottom of the ninth, basically just screaming “ROMO!” like it was Kirk yelling the name of Khan.  Also, more concerning, he turned on his own team, in particular Dan Uggla.

“I BELIEVE IN YOU DAN. I BELIEVE IN YOU!”

Pause.

“Not really.”

I laughed out loud at that one, why hold back?

Anyway, Romo finished off my favorite second team and the place got very quiet and humble.  The drunk kid, to my astonishment- looked directly at me and said in the most dignified and sincere way possible: Congratulations on your team’s win tonight.

He, after all, had both class and manners- all hidden from sight behind the Bud-Lite bravado. But they were there, just waiting for him to inhale for a second. He loved the game every bit as much as the studious guy behind him with the program glued to his face.

We all had a great time. In our own way.

Sometimes it all meshes. Some nights are perfect for baseball.  Most nights.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

20140504-115132.jpg

Hank’s Homer and the Wisdom of 7th Graders

08 Tuesday Apr 2014

Posted by apeville in Baseball

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Baseball, Hank Aaron, racism

I was thirteen when Hank Aaron hit #715, breaking Babe’s famous home run record. I was rooting for him and rooting hard. I was either too stupid or too distracted to really notice the simple fact that Hank was black and Babe was white- and that that simple fact would scare racists enough to threaten Hank’s life over this event.

I guess if you are stupid enough to be a violent racist then you are stupid enough to be threatened by a guy hitting a ball over a fence. If those anonymous threat senders could have just visited my 7th grade class at Bearden Junior High they would have seen that it was actually COOL somebody just four hours down the road broke the home run record. Something to celebrate. Something to brag about.

I celebrate it now, 40 years after hearing it happen on the radio. It still sounds amazing. And the hidden voices that tried to silence him into quitting are lost in the faint declining echoes of ignorance.

Image

Spring Training, whistle stop 1. Braves vs. the Yanks.

17 Monday Mar 2014

Tags

Atlanta Braves, Baseball, Berm, breakfast, Grapefruit, League, New York Yankees, Tampa

Spring Training, whistle stop 1.

Posted by apeville | Filed under Uncategorized

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