Monthly Archives: March 2016

Why Bryce Harper Is Confused

13 Sunday Mar 2016

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I guess this blog post would get a lot more clicks and have a higher appeal to teenagers if I trashed Harper and ridiculed any pundits that agree with him.

But I understand.  I wake up every single morning and thank the Gods of Shame that Youtube didn’t exist when I was 24. It would have captured a man on stage who had no filter. Sometimes this could be entertaining, I reckon.  But I wouldn’t want a permanent record of the times it wasn’t.  It’s part of being 24.  Or 29.  Or however old Goose Gossage is. Maybe Bryce will look back down the road with similar eyes.

But here is where I think Harper is totally wrong.  His supposes that if you belittle (as opposed to respect, a term often used in baseball when money is being negotiated) your opponent this will make more young people interested in baseball.

Wrong. It will make more young people interested in going to Youtube clips of players taunting each other.  It won’t make them buy a glove.  It won’t make them join a team. It won’t make them ask dad for a few more pitches in the back yard.  It will make them more skilled at being sarcastic. Look, I have a lot of respect for sarcasm- but it’s not a great tool for inspiring people to scoop up a grounder and throw a guy/gal out at first.

And who says players don’t show emotion? Ever seen how quick an entire team of grown men will clear the dugout to celebrate a walk-off homer or join a fight?

Another point: Baseball isn’t tired to a lot of people out there. I have been in Scottsdale for the last week attending sold out games and packed stadiums with people of all ages and races in attendance. It’s some of the most fun I’ve had.  How else could I not gripe when buying a five dollar bottled water?

Every morning I eat breakfast at U.S. Egg (get the hash browns, seriously) which is packed with people, wearing jerseys from teams from all over the country, excited beyond belief to be here watching baseball every single day. Some have traveled a long way at some expense to see these games. None of them look tired. One young server also worked at the Rockies stadium in PR.  She didn’t look tired despite holding down two jobs. Hunter Pence didn’t look tired coming back to his first game after months of injury sadness.

Look, I’m sure Bryce wants a more exciting game.  We all do.  But belittling players who have dedicated their lives to entertaining and inspiring us might not be the trick he’s looking for.

Lower the mound, maybe?

 

 

 

 

 

What Not To Do At A Giants Vs. Angels Game

13 Sunday Mar 2016

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Decisions.

Decisions.

What do you do when the squad splits? Do you stay in Scottsdale and gamble on a better roster or do you venture off for Tempe just so you can say you saw Mike Trout?

I saw Mike Trout.

I also saw Brandon Crawford smash a marvelous triple. Sorry, Mike, Brandon was more fun to watch despite your cannon throw from center field.

By all accounts or at least mine, it was a radiant, pleasant day watching the Giants lose to the Angels. Losing is acceptable when it’s Spring Training. The final winning score is whether you had a good time or not- and I did, though I must confess I left during the 7th inning.

I would have stayed for the whole thing but I realized my preference for older, rundown stadiums had suddenly waned right about the time they cued up Take Me Out To The Ballpark. 

 Some brands of charm can’t sustain nine innings of inspection. The Angels fans were gregarious, generally tipsy and quite knowledgeable about the game even though nobody in my row could pronounce Adrelton correctly.

The fans were not the problem. There was just TOO MANY OF THEM….crammed in every shaded and sunny space one could find. The bleacher rows were horribly oversold and cramped unless you happen to be sitting next to a group of Thai ballerinas.  If you wanted a pretzel or had to pee you had to find a way to get dozens of baseball fan statues to slightly move so you could get by.

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Like I mentioned, the fans were fine. Unless. Unless you happen to have brought a mitt to the game and then had an easy foul ball drop right into the mitt and then the ball somehow gets free of its own accord. Then Angels fans turn on you like wild, rabid beasts. There was hellish heckling and sarcastic belittling like you have never heard even at a hockey game.

If you drop a foul at a Giants game you will get, maybe, a chorus of sighs. Awwwwww. They feel for you. Many Bay types even empathize. Some of the more sarcastic fans will offer the tired but well meaning old chestnut: Send him back to AAA!  It always get a few mild laughs.

But lord help if you drop a foul ball at Diablo Stadium. You’ll immediately learn where the name for that stadium originates.

A Short Essay On Pence

11 Friday Mar 2016

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It was a very hot desert afternoon but I walked straight to Scottsdale Stadium from my rental room several blocks away in honor of Hunter Pence.  I didn’t have a scooter, but feet are the next best thing. I was also hoping by committing this act of unity he would be in the lineup.  He wasn’t.

See exhibit A:

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Read it a couple of times, his name still won’t be there.

I grabbed my frosty beverage (lemonade) and quickly found my primo seat in 208. The view was perfect and it was in the shade. To my left was a fairly rabid fan who spent much of the game bidding online for signed Duffy items. I liked him. Everything he said was right.

To my left was a sweet couple from Georgia who had no dog in the fight but were very happy to be there.  The belle noted she was cheering for the ‘blue team’ because she liked that color very, very much. When her boyfriend suggested this was unwise she countered with: This is America.  Diversity and stuff.  

I don’t know what that meant but I grew to like them both quickly as well.  Just as I got my score card adjusted they announced the lineup….. including the name PENCE.

PENCE!?  It was even better that they lied on the lineup. I love a switch surprise.

Seeing him take the field is akin to coming back from Buck Toms Summer Camp and realizing your best pal you made HAD JUST MOVED TO YOUR TOWN AND WAS NOW ATTENDING YOUR JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL.

Pence comforts.  Pence inspires. Pence makes us relax knowing he’s there for us with all his goofy, talent soaked equilibrium.  And he was. And he is. And he will be.

At first I panicked a little when he bobbled a ball and whiffed out on his first at bat. Was he  just setting us up?

At his next at bat, with Posey on second, he approached the plate like a starving caveman at a kale buffet. He was ready.  He watched 3 sliders turn into balls and waited for his pitch. The count was 3-1 after letting the one good slider get by. And then it came.  Fastball. Even faster leaving his bat for the left field berm. Perhaps beyond it. Perhaps it never landed. I know I haven’t.

That, my friends, is why the Hunter Pence bobblehead is the only bobblehead I own.

 

 

Cactus Vs. Grapefruit

11 Friday Mar 2016

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Now that I have ventured into both spring training realms, I must now decide which of these two sites wins.

Being a Giants fan I’m going to go ahead and admit bias and give the whole thing to the Cactus League.  There, that was easy.  Even so, it was still close.

Let’s look at the Pros and Cons.

Grapefruit Pros:

Many of the parks are more charming and have that ‘old style’ feel.  Florida Auto Exchange  in Dunedin, in particular, let’s you live with the players in the dugout. The Astros let you actually throw in the bullpen and will put you in for the last inning, but only if you are left handed and don’t mind wearing jersey #123.

Seafood.

Ocean.

BBQ.

You are close to Tarpon Springs where the Greek eats are unsurpassable.

It’s closer to Knoxville .*

Camp Childers goes there. 

Incredible disc golf courses abound.

Dali Museum in St. Pete.

The Phillie Phanatic can only be found in the Grapefruit League.  All other mascots are posers.

Grapefruit Cons:

The drives are long.  If you want to see the Mets one day and then the Blue Jays the next, you are in for a four hour drive. That’s a lot of Radiolab podcasts.

Orlando. I just don’t like this place. It’s wrong.  The fact that Braves play inside of Disneyworld is beyond comprehension. I like the Braves and their fans but I can’t stomach parking next to 12 tour busses of people about to buy things they probably don’t need.

If it’s above 90 degrees, your winterized body will suffer.

Orlando.  It bears repeating.

There are lots of Yankees fans everywhere. I have noticed them particularly in abundance at Yankees games. But they also take over the Blue Jays stadium, too.

Cactus Pros:

No humidity. (Extra points for this.)

Easy drives between stadiums.

Huevos Rancheros.

The Giants stadium is a perfect mix of old and new.  Not too fancy, not too shabby.

Lots of great AirBnB options.

Desert Botanical Gardens.

You might meet Bill Buckner.

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Cactus Cons:

Some spring training stadiums (I’m looking at you Rockies/Dbacks/Cubs) are nicer than some regular stadiums. This feels wrong, like Orlando feels wrong.

If games sell out, it’s way expensive to get tickets.

You have to admit how congenial Dodgers fans are. Until they start losing. Or winning.

It’s very far from Knoxville.*

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So there you have it.  Cactus League takes the win. But Nate Silver knew that before I even conceived of this detailed analysis.

*If you are not from Knoxville, please ignore this statement or move to Knoxville.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Does Baseball Start?

10 Thursday Mar 2016

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When Pitchers and Catchers report?  Nah, too standard.

When Eleanor Roosevelt throws out the first pitch of the regular season?  Nah, she’s not even technically alive.

The first Grapefruit League game when the Phillies play the overlooked Central Florida Firecats?  Um, maybe.

For me, it starts at a different time every year.  Sometimes, when I least expect it. Often it has to do with Giant’s broadcaster ace Jon Miller. Something about his voices says BASEBALL and SPRING at the same time.

When my plane touched down in Phoenix I knew it would be happening soon, but it hadn’t happened yet.  Baseball was running late, like an Uber driver with a questionable profile photo.  We were already one week into spring training and Baseball had yet to really start for me.

Though the first ticket I bought was for the Giants/Reds matchup, I got in early enough to squeeze in a Cubs/Dodgers match down in Mesa at way-too-nice-but-I-like-it-anyway Sloan Park.

Sloan Park was completely full and Clayton Kershaw was pitching for the Dodgers. The sun was out, people were lighter, the wind was blowing a bit, and there beer was for sale.  The women selling the beer were enthusiastic though dressed  conservatively so not to offend anyone.

I found some garlic hummus and got situated in the berm.  Garlic hummus?  Yes, these miracles continue to find me.

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Everyone around me was smiling, sun kissed and happy. If these people came to the park with any pain, I saw no trace of it. I laid back in the grass and looked at the blue sky, then said a silent I Am So Sorry for everyone living below 40 degrees fahrenheit.

After the rather terse singing of the anthem we all perked up as the announcer excitedly let us know the Cubs were taking the field. Cue The Who’s Baba O’Riley, one of the greatest non-national anthems every conceived.  Out run the Cubs! They look thrilled to be there despite what the goat has told them! Hats are waved, whooping Begins!

OUT HERE IN THE FIELDS…..

It was all too perfect, even if it only lasted for a second.  I got instant chill bumps and felt like a human helium balloon about to lift off.  And maybe it was the desert pollen, but something was messing with my ducts a wee bit.

And so it begins.

 

 

 

 

 

My People! My People!

08 Tuesday Mar 2016

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And so it is done. I finally pushed the ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO PURCHASE BUTTON? that sent me to Arizona for the Cactus League Spring Training games.

Being a Giants fan in Tennessee yields few opportunities to wax baseball with the locals. There are three obsessive fans that I know of in town, and I am one of them.  So, sure, I talk to myself about Giants baseball when nobody with a like mind is around.  It gets the job done and scares the lady at the Kroger checkout line at the same time.

The Giants training camp is in somewhat pleasant Scottsdale and that is where I am currently situated. Arizona in March is enough reason to come but the glorious bonus is that I get to mingle with other self-talkers from all over the country. I got so excited that I scoped out the last leg of my flight to see if there were any others from my tribe of self-talkers. There were, but they appeared to be just random order paranoids so I let them be.  Somebody arguing with a Dell computer is best left alone.

When I got off the plane (I refuse to use the term deplane, because Fantasy Island) there was a whole family of Giants fans in full regalia…hats, hoodies, shirts, key chains, and more.  I looked at them. They looked at me. The instant recognition/acceptance was palpable and reassuring.  But what should I say?

MY PEOPLE! MY PEOPLE!  That’s what I said.

That unsolicited utterance left all but the young boy with the Posey jersey slightly unsettled.

DAD! THAT’S US! HE’S ONE OF US! That’s what he said.

We are forever linked in the Great Link.

Then after an awkward silence, we gave the knowledgeable, if not slightly superior, almost invisible nod to each other and each scuttled on to our next destination.

As I settled in around Scottsdale I noticed many others from the Orange and Black Invasion, a term used by the locals that can be delivered with gratitude or derision, depending on who’s listening.

I never knew what to say before- the knowledgeable nod never seemed quite sufficient. So I tried my new catch phrase on all of them, except delivered with only one go round:  MY PEOPLE! 

Two MY PEOPLE! callouts just seems excessive at Walgreens.

My waitress at U.S. Egg (don’t laugh, it’s a superb and almost affordable breakfast option) was wearing a Diamond Backs shirt.  Oh, what the heck, let’s broaden the family a little bit, after all, it’s all baseball:  MY PEOPLE!

Should I just include all baseball fans?  If so, where does it stop?

I actually opted out at the afore mentioned Walgreens for the Giants fan that was berating the clerk for short changing him on his newspaper when in fact the geezer had forgotten to take his change out of the change shoot. But then, I still felt he was worth a nod, for I have been that dumbass, too, on more than one occasion. My people, indeed.

After a morning of this vocal high five wire act- I realized, perhaps due to vacation mind, just about everybody seemed like My People for some reason.

When the majestic Mingus music blared over the speakers at the Starbucks it was a minor miracle. A minor miracle is still a miracle, though, and I realized some of MY PEOPLE were making playlists decisions in Corporate America.  Perhaps, a major miracle, that.

I grabbed my tea and exited the Moby Dick inspired caffeine house on a good note. The more I walked around outside in the crisp Arizona air I noticed just about everybody was shining in the desert sun once my shades were removed.

Spotting a Dodgers fan at the trolley stop quickly snapped me back to reality.